perfection

i am not perfect. i cannot be perfect. i hate it when people assume i am the good kid or something. i am not saying i am bad (obviously i am not) but i have my wants and my needs too. sometimes bende2 ni just eat me up from the inside. sometimes i want what i want when i want it. i want to feel special too. sometimes. erm.. i am feeling at my worse. i even thought of jumping out of the car. then, i remembered that how someone love and care for me so much and i am sure he will be shocked if i did it and hate me for doing it. he might even give me a big fat slap regardless i will be on the hospital bed. i know he will do that with tears in his eyes. how can you hate someone you love. if all this happens, i know in my heart, at least he'll be there for me and i will feel special. but, perlu ke sampai tahap menderita untuk rase penting to someone?

anyhow, what i did was, i ended up crying in the car alone in the rain in the middle of the stupid highway (nasib tak kene rompak pulak kan). the rain just make it so right and it was heartbreaking. i had my meltdown. alone. yup, it was tough. i can't say much but i am tired. maybe the crappy mood is from how crappy my week was, i am just too tired or maybe having the PMS syndrome. i don't know.
(drama betul kan? maybe pasal dah lame simpan kut)

oh.. deactivated my facebook. i am going out of town for a bit. monday to thursday. hope to get my head all cleared up or maybe find another job NO where near here. i need a break from everything close around me i guess.. *mengeluh* (tau tak elok but nak buat cmne). maybe i will just do what i do best - run, avoid and disappear.

how i look a couple of days back