june satu

wuuuuu... pengsan! (jantung tak dapat berfungsi secara normal) insyaAllah lagi 21 hari lagi nak tukar status. takut kut. bertukar status kepada isteri sesungguhnya membawa tanggungjawab yang amat besar. berdebar and tak sabar pun ade gak. haha! okay, jangan fikir bukan-bukan. cuma mesti lah tak sabar, dapat share life dengan someone kan. kite tau orang tu akan ada untuk kite no matter what and orang tu juga akan pimpin kita dunia akhirat. ameen! dalam masa tiga minggu ni banyak persiapan nak kena buat. pengsan! i wish mum is here with me.

harapan dari sehari ke sehari untuk mummy sembuh. kami sentiasa doakan yang terbaik untuk mummy. apa yang Allah pilih untuk mummy, itu lah yang terbaik. kita kena terima and redha akan takdir. insyaAllah semua okay. (dah start nangis) rindu sangat kat mummy. rasa kosong bila kena tinggal berdua dengan ayah kat rumah. rindu nak ade teman makan minum, tengok tv, cerita pasal kerja, kena suap makan (anak manja kan), mummy punya cooking and semua lah. Allah saja yang tahu what's going on in me and the rest of my family. masing-masing act tough ni.

ujian Allah

Terbaca article:

Mengecilkan hati orang adalah berdosa, berkecil hati juga adalah berdosa. Tetapi lebih besar dosanya jika kita berkecil hati. Kenapa orang kecilkan hati kita, kita pulak yang berdosa?

Ayah: Jika seseorang hina kita, dia berdosa. Jika kita terasa hati dgn penghinaan dia, kita juga berdosa. Tetapi dosa kita lebih besar dari dosa dia.
Anak: Uiikk... Tapi kenapa pulak? Kita tak buat apa-apa pun?
Ayah: Kerana orang yang menghina kita itu adalah peringatan daripada Allah.
Anak: *blur (>,<)'
Ayah: Kenapa kita dihina oleh orang tu? Kerana itu adalah ujian dari Allah. Kenapa Allah hadiahkan kita ujian itu? Kerana DIA nak mengingatkan diri kita yang dah leka dengan dunia. Bila kita berkecil hati dengan orang tersebut, bermakna kita tak redha dengan ujian yang Allah turunkan. Kesimpulannya, kita bukan kecil hati dengan orang, tapi kecil hati dengan Allah.
Anak: Ooooooo... Ook...(n_n)'
Ayah: Lagi parah bila kita pun cerita pada kawan-kawan kita. “Dia dah banyak buat aku macam ni, macam tu…” dan sebagainya. Dan kawan-kawan kita pula akan cerita pada kawan-kawan lain. “Kesian kawan kita tu.. budak tu dah banyak sakitkan hati dia…” jadi keredhaan kita terhadap ujian Allah itu akan lesap.

pengajaran: keredhaan kita terhadap ujian Allah

...

sesungguhnya ujian Allah perlu dilalui dengan keredhaan. dari kecik sampai dah besar panjang ni pun mummy slalu ingat kan that kite kena redha. so, now diri ni perlu belajar untuk redha. perasaan sekarang bercampur-campur. buat masa ni, takat ni, sedang mengharungi ujian terbesar dari Allah. perasaan kehilangan someone yang kita sayang dalam dunia ni sangat perit. terpaksa menjalani kehidupan seharian dari hari ke hari without mummy juga sangat perit. melihat someone yang kita sayang berada dalam keadaan mcm tu, sedih. insyaAllah semua akan bertambah baik, keadaan. hanya Allah yang tahu apa yang terbaik, kita mengharapkan yang terbaik untuk mummy. apa yang mummy nak lebih penting. apa yang telah Allah aturkan untuk mummy Allah je yang tahu. apepun, kena ingat - Allah tak akan menguji hamba-NYA dgn ujian yg tak tertanggung oleh hamba-NYA itu.

hidup sekarang

basically, sekarang ni duduk sorang. hati pun jadi sedikit kosong bile semua ni berlaku. sedih memang lah sedih tapi hidup perlu diteruskan, Allah lebih mengetahui. erm. dulu biase balik rumah mesti mummy akan tunggu. biase akan belikan makanan untuk mummy. walaupun dah makan still cakap belum pasal nak teman mummy makan tapi sikit-sikit je (kenyang kan? huhu). sekarang makan pun kena cari orang temankan, if takde orang, tak makan lah. kan tak suke and tak tau nak makan sorang. bile nak pergi kerja pulak, mesti akan kacau-kacau mummy sampai mummy bangun so that i boleh salam dia before pergi kerja. sekarang ni bangun, takde sape dah tak kacau-kacau kejut suruh bangun. dulu bile sakit, mummy ade untuk pakse makan ubat. sekarang sakit, pandai-pandai sendiri. kalau nak sihat makan lah ubat. kalau sanggup tahan, tak payah. dulu bile malam, nak tido biase okay je but now mesti resah. pasal dulu ape-ape pun tau mummy ade, sekarang takde. ape-ape pun sendiri. umm. banyak lagi kut. ye lah, mummy kan. mak kite, of course banyak bende yang ingat kan kite pasal mak kite sendiri. rindu sangat-sangat.. T.T

last mummy cakap hari tu dia nak pegi makan vegetarian tapi anak dia yang sorang ni cakap nanti. menyesal sampai hari ni. sekarang nak bawak camne dah? last hari tu makan mummy buat egg sandwich. mummy happy sangat mase buat tu. mane tau bende akan jadi macam ni. takde sape sangke.

sekarang, rumah ni kosong. ayah selalu takde rumah bila malam, tak tau pergi mane. rasenye distant dengan ayah makin tambah. just tak boleh nak feel close to him, memang tak pernah close pun. macam tak suke sangat keadaan sekarang. nak lari pun ade. but, i have to move on with my life. i have to grow up. kali ni betul-betul kena grow up dah, mummy takde.

alhamdulillah at times like this - my family, hashrul, syima and piqa are always here for me. without them i don't think i can go through another day. thank you for everything. i love each of you. sangat. as aunty emma said to me while dia hug me the other day, 'we are in this together', i know i am not alone. it is still hard on me. i still do feel alone sometimes and i still do cry at night. at least i still have you guys. only Allah and korang yang ada for me. i am blessed to have all of you in my life.

thank you to all that prayed for mummy and those who came to the hospital. i am forever grateful to each  and everyone of you. thank you.

miracle

as i take a break from the hospital this afternoon for a while, things just sink in. i can't do anything much but to pray and hope that she'll recover. mummy tak sedar dari semlm pagi. when i got the call from the hospital saying that she can't breathe on her own and they had to put in the tube to help her breathe my heart dropped. the nurse also said that, 'your mum is not doing too good'. my world collapse right in front of me. she is my strength and only she can understand me like no one can. seeing her lying down on the bed like that as i reached the hospital wee early monday morning reminds me so much of arwah Mak. 

saw her Dr this morning. he just can't say much. macam things tergantung. sometimes you just can see it from looking into someone else's eyes. there are many things going on now. some may text me or call to ask me how's she doing or how i am holding on. i can't reply to that. i just don't know how. family banyak tolong dah takat ni. to visit and baca kan Yassin for mummy. i thank God i have help them.

tetibe teringat, mummy banyak pesan dia lately ni - about life. mcm dia tau ni akan jadi but, i don't think i can survive without her. i pray to God, please let a miracle happen. please bring her back. i need her more than anything now.

IJN

Mummy is admitted in IJN, dia dalam Coranary Care Unit (CCU). banyak yang berlaku dr pagi sampai malam ni. sebagai kesimpulan atas all yang berlaku today, Dr kate her heart is weak. ya Allah, gelap sekejap dunia. erm.. she's trying to be tough for the sake of everybody (we can see it in her) but now we have to be tough for her as well. i am worried sick and the memories of arwah Mak in the hospital suddenly comes to mind. mase time arwah Mak meninggal, we had her just days before and we suddenly lost her. i don't know why but suddenly it feels like arwah Mak just left us yesterday. the pain of losing arwah Mak is suddenly there. then, during the period mummy kena admit and all, teringat pulak kat arwah uncle Ghani. he was always there for mummy. dia yang banyak sangat amik tau welfare mummy dulu. biasenye kalau mummy sakit, mesti dia first yang akan sampai. hari ni tengok pintu tak sampai-sampai. terlupa sekejap arwah dah takde. kali ni impact towards myself bila mummy jatuh sakit lain and it really is hitting hard on me. 

anyway, i am going to stay positive on this and be strong. nak stay kat sane tak boleh pulak. visiting hours limited and IJN tu cam strict kut. orang yang jage situ kate ape-ape diorang akan call dengan segare, if ada emergency ke ape. *tarik nafas* tak tau dah nak luah kat sape semua ni. emmm.. bak kate awak, saye kan dak kecik yang kuat but, i need you to help me go through all this and i hope you know that. 

...

last year

this day last year, i lost a beloved uncle whom i loved dearly. not having him around for my wedding feels like not having my father at my wedding. uncle ghani is more than an uncle to me - he is more like a father. he looked out for me, was there when i needed guidance and always think ahead for my future. people don't really know how much he meant to me. i didn't cry much when he passed away (i was too shocked) but as life goes on from time to time there are just so many things that reminded me of him.

the one thing that is the hardest for me to let go is my current job -

i got my current job from the newspaper he gave me - job classified section. he forced me to go to an interview in MAS. to be an air stewardess. which i didn't want to. MAS don't take people wearing tudung as an air stewardess. dia kate, 'pergi je lah'. so, to make him happy, i went (yeah, laugh, haha!). dengan tak tau jalan nye, nasib ade lah yang sudi membawa time tu. guess which part i failed.. *drum roll* - my height.. too short! boooooo! dalam hati terdetik juga nak dapat sebenarnya. kalau nak, kena bukak tudung lah. berat rase nak bukak tudung. pasal diorang ni tak strict sgt pun pasal tinggi. ade staff MAS cakap, 'awak ni pakai tudung, nak jadi, kena bukak tau'.

so, lepas tu balik rumah belek2 newspaper yang uncle bagi. there was an opening in WWF for programme trainee. tried my luck. was late for my first interview - semua sebab kalut tapi nasib itu pun ade yang sudi membawa. then after first interview, was called for a second interview (ini pergi sendiri kut). so, the rest is history. i have been in WWF for 2 years plus now. ade terfikir nak quit and find a new job but itu lah, susah nak let go. this was something my 'dad' did for me.

well, yang dah pergi tetap pergi. kita yang hidup ni boleh sedekah yassin and al-fatihah. hidup kene teruskan bukan? memories i have of him will always remain in my heart. i miss you uncle ghani. i miss you so much. al-fatihah.

his favourite song (tiap-tiap kali dgr confirm meleleh) - 

p.s: one year ago, this date, patut nya ade kat Jepun, buat kerja gila. how differently things turned out kan. kite tak tau future kite. banyak yang kita tak tau.

love - food

this week (monday and wednesday), had 2 great meals with people that sangat bermakna in my life. ehe! thank you for spending time with me and go makan sedap2..! 

meal 1

gambar ni - ni lah orang yg nak duduk bawah
blasting air cond and order one huge dessert
(refer to last picture for meal 1)

huge dessert - don't let the above picture deceive you
(weyh, lain kali bace menu betul2!)

we were practically shivering sambil makan dessert
sejuk gile kut.. huu.. *lesson learned*
(teringat) hahahaha!

.....

meal 2

complimentary bread

(habis licin, lapar sangat)

starter

strawberry lemonade

 gambar ni - yours truly nmpak comel lah plak

pipi dah start gebu balik... haha!

(muke macam tak puas hati)
lapar mummy ni. kite tak sampai separuh lagi, dia dah habis satu dah. huhu.

oh.. last but not least..
(after quite some time)


mummy - earthquake! hee..!

with the fiance, hashrul ♥

photo credit to my one and only mummy

esok monday

after a long and much needed rest, i am much better tonight. after posting yesterday, i slept through out the night until i woke up this morning around 10 am. i was shocked myself that i can sleep that long. maybe badan dah terlalu penat sangat due to stress and depression kut? itu yang system terus knock out and just shut down terus. entah. ape pun, bangun tadi feeling (totally) recharged. good for me! then, i spent the whole afternoon at uncle halim's house tengok cartoon with the kids. itu perkara baru for me - spending time (the whole afternoon) with the kids. erk! but, i did had a great time. btw, i miss my cartoon channels. mummy, can i have them back? ehe.. 

so, tomorrow i will start my week without the boss. i don't think i'm ready for the battle. might just fall sick again. haha. have lots of pending stuff waiting in the office. banyak sangat kerja sampai tak tau nak start dekat mane. dah lah tadi bukak email office, terus pening. ade discussion pasal budget on tuesday. errr... i don't know anything on that. saye kan orang bawahan je. huhu. disebabkan boss takde, esok kena selidik kut ceruk mane-mane untuk discussion hari selase. help needed here. i know i can do it! (yakin dekat diri sendiri tu penting) uhuk! honestly, macam dah tak mau pergi kerja dah. tapi banyak hutang nak kena bayar ni. haih! 

*tarik nafas* [motivation to self] tomorrow is a brand new day, brand new week. start fresh. no more being depressed, sorry for myself or what so ever. be cool, positive and happy! i need to get rid of ALL the negative vibes around me. lots of things to be done and focus is needed. *fuh!* 

(we shall see what tomorrow's post will be like, heh!)

last 3 days

after a rough week, my family treated me (perasan and bangge sket) with food! hee. somehow, food is the best medicine. so, last weekend, had seafood on saturday and chinese food on sunday. yumm! i really ate this time around. oh.. monday, the boss ajak pegi makan sushi pulak and she even took a picture of me with the food.. aww.. ;) 

Saturday

Sunday

Monday

note: 

yeah, i look pale (or bak kate boss, muke orang tak cukup darah and oxygen) and i have been getting questions on why i look pale from orang-orang office (a.k.a the people who see me almost everyday). some say i am getting thinner. i don't think so. huu.. erm.. the pale, thin issue is a fashion trend (twilight's fashion) maybe? ehe.. nah, i know exactly what i need. i need lots of sunshine, rainbows, unicorns and maybe some candies or maybe i just need you.. *sigh*

p.s: pictures are from various sources, not my camera (camera habis battery)

p.s.s: tetibe RINDU nak makan MCD

from delicious to tgif

Delicious, Bangsar Village II

(21st January)

had brunch with my parents and uncle halim's family. it was supposed to be brunch but we were late so, it became lunch and we became orang kebulur. normally i can only eat half of the dish but this time, i almost can finish the whole plate. almost. not all pictures of food was taken and i completely forgot about the drinks and such. blame the starvation and the ever delicious food! ;)

 mushroom thingy

(sedap!)

 i think this was laksa

 Hainanese chicken chop

it was a larger portion, kitorang share2 makan

 carbonara

TGIF, Subang Parade

(31st January)

i was left alone one fine day. mum went to Muar and dad went somewhere else. had dinner with syima and her daughter ayra (oh.. this is one lucky kid). anyway, we stuffed ourselves and we simply had no room for dessert at all. will make it a point next time to spare our tummies for dessert. i am craving for yummy desserts! 

 mozarella

 strawberry + lemon

 something cream sauce

 hungry evil stare

 nachos

 chicken something

(sorry, i am bad with names) -

tu sebab no full names, next time will write down

happy kid showing bambam to mum

p.s: aip! abu, jangan gelak. now we know kenape al-kesah terjadi kan? haha.

engagement (official photos)

on the 7th of January, around 3.30pm, alhamdulillah, telah sah menjadi tunang orang. to be honest, it was a nerve wrecking moment. emm.. nak jalan turun tangge pun macam nak tergolek dah. alhamdulillah, all went smoothly. it was a simple yet meaningful ceremony. it was even a sweeter moment for us as 7th of January also marks our 1 year and 1 month together as a couple. much love on that day. thank you to all who made it happen especially to my parents, uncle halim, aunty emma, his parents, family members from both sides, piqa, faiqah, syima and of course, my other half.. ♥

 

 

dulang hantaran

from me

from him

credit to Ifolia Fotolensa
or click here