tarikh ini

well, tarikh ni adalah tarikh yang plan nak nikah dulu because i love this flow of the date and 20hb kan. THE number. so, today, terfikir lah semua. boleh? macam-macam 'kalau' muncul dalam otak but, yang paling sedih is mummy takde. teringat ada satu hari tu, i asked mum - mummy kalau nak kahwin 20hb December 2012 boleh? mummy pandang pelik. then cakap boleh. huhu. this is life. kita plan lain tapi Allah lagi tahu apa untuk kita. oh. if 20hb December 2012 tarikh kita, harus lah today kita nikah kan. hari ni baru nak rasa married life semua. hm. camne tu. jeng jeng jeng. anyway, bila lah nak buat post pasal little one ni. heee! nak jadi mummy dah. i just wish mum is with me through out this period. its not easy. sedih sangat bila tengok orang lain ada their mum nak ngadu ke, nak mintak makan ke, nak cerita-cerita ke, nak tau apa nak buat nanti ke, nak mintak teman check kat doc ke. ya Allah, mintak kuat kan diri ini. Al-fatihah untuk mummy.

losing mum

words can't describe macam mana i am feeling right now. ini lah dugaan paling besar dari Allah. yes, semua yang hidup memang akan kembali pada-Nya. at the same time, losing someone you love most is hard. its like a big piece of me was taken away. the piece that matters most. it was only her that was there every single time i need someone. tak pernah orang lain. entah, depan orang tak mampu nak tunjuk apa sebenarnya dalam hati. insyaAllah diri ni reda dengan pemergian arwah. cuma, semua benda pun teringat mummy. it still feels weird calling mummy arwah. 25 tahun hidup, my world does revolve around her. she is my mummy, my best friend, my heart, my everything. so, how exactly can you move on when you lost everything? its getting harder day by day.