school trip

Today Zahraa went to her first school trip. Should I be sad? Haha. She was super excited about this trip. I showed her photos of the place earlier on. This morning when she woke up, she was easier to handle. She got up all happy and didn't need that extra time just to wake up. She wanted to cry when we told her it's morning, she wanted it to be afternoon. She goes to school in the afternoon session okay hence the confusion. Hee. Alhamdulillah all went well. Siap tertidur dalam bus masa on the way balik. Penat sangat tu. Memang puas dia main. Lompat, panjat, haa, buat lah apa nak. Memang favorite pun activities macam tu. Thank you to the school organize trip ni. 

So, lets go back to the question - Should I be sad?
No. I am not in any way. I am happy to see her very happy. I am taking it all in. I can't stop time but I can live within the seconds. 

help

Why do I feel like things are getting harder by day? Am I not thankful enough of things. It should be a blessing that I get to stay home and watch my kids grow right in front of me. Not many people get to do that. I am having everything every other mothers want, to be there for their kids throughout. So, why am I not feeling okay with it. Where did it go wrong. 

This should not be happening. This is the life I chose. I feel bad feeling this way. What can I do to make it all better? This is a help me post. I am at lost. Each passing day I feel like I am there for the kids in quantity and not quality, especially for Zahraa. I have plenty of time for Ziqri when Zahraa leave for school. But when she is at home I will still be putting Ziqri first, he is clingy, mind you. 

How do I pick myself up? To be a better mother, wife and daughter. I am having doubts about myself, which make it all worse. 

P. S: I just had a very tearful shower