2012

1: What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?

    Got married! ♥

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

    Did not make any this year and not planning to make any for next year too

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

    Nope

4: Did anyone close to you die?

    Mum passed away - 5th December 2012

5: What countries did you visit?

    Only one country - Thailand

6: What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012

    More traveling sessions

7: What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

    7th January (got engaged), 22nd june (got married), 5th December (losing mum)

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

    Got married to the person i love, he's my biggest achievement this year

9: What was your biggest failure?

    Losing my closest friend

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?

      Does morning sickness count as an illness?

11: What was the best thing you bought?

      His wedding band

12: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

      Our wedding day

13: Compared to this time last year, are you: 

      (a) happier or sadder? - sadder (i miss mum)

      (b) thinner or fatter?  - fatter (baby's growing fast)

      (c) richer or poorer? - aha! rahsia!

14: What do you wish you’d done more of?

      Travel more when I had the chance to

15: What do you wish you’d done less of?

      Work

16: Did you fall in love in 2012?

      Absolutely!

17: What was your favourite TV program?

      Gossip girl

18: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

      Still hate the same person from last year so, no

      

19: What was your greatest musical discovery?

      None?

20: What did you want and get?

      A new life

21: What did you want and not get?

      For my mum to recover and be healthy again

22: What was your favourite film of this year?

      Real steel

23: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

      Having mum around

24: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

      Simple to motherly, hee!

25: What kept you sane?

      Allah

26: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

      Kristen Stewart

27: What political issue stirred you the most?

      -

28: Who did you miss?

      Mum

29: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.

      Life is short, value what you have

30: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

      I am a survivor

tarikh ini

well, tarikh ni adalah tarikh yang plan nak nikah dulu because i love this flow of the date and 20hb kan. THE number. so, today, terfikir lah semua. boleh? macam-macam 'kalau' muncul dalam otak but, yang paling sedih is mummy takde. teringat ada satu hari tu, i asked mum - mummy kalau nak kahwin 20hb December 2012 boleh? mummy pandang pelik. then cakap boleh. huhu. this is life. kita plan lain tapi Allah lagi tahu apa untuk kita. oh. if 20hb December 2012 tarikh kita, harus lah today kita nikah kan. hari ni baru nak rasa married life semua. hm. camne tu. jeng jeng jeng. anyway, bila lah nak buat post pasal little one ni. heee! nak jadi mummy dah. i just wish mum is with me through out this period. its not easy. sedih sangat bila tengok orang lain ada their mum nak ngadu ke, nak mintak makan ke, nak cerita-cerita ke, nak tau apa nak buat nanti ke, nak mintak teman check kat doc ke. ya Allah, mintak kuat kan diri ini. Al-fatihah untuk mummy.

losing mum

words can't describe macam mana i am feeling right now. ini lah dugaan paling besar dari Allah. yes, semua yang hidup memang akan kembali pada-Nya. at the same time, losing someone you love most is hard. its like a big piece of me was taken away. the piece that matters most. it was only her that was there every single time i need someone. tak pernah orang lain. entah, depan orang tak mampu nak tunjuk apa sebenarnya dalam hati. insyaAllah diri ni reda dengan pemergian arwah. cuma, semua benda pun teringat mummy. it still feels weird calling mummy arwah. 25 tahun hidup, my world does revolve around her. she is my mummy, my best friend, my heart, my everything. so, how exactly can you move on when you lost everything? its getting harder day by day.

yahoo!

hey hey, new layout!

on repeat

 

tigabelas november

well, orang tak tau, actually 13 November adalah tarikh yang significant dalam hidup sejak 2010. things that happened was life changing. even hashrul don't remember. ye lah, lelaki and tarikh kan. susah nak jumpa yang ingat details ni. haha. sentiasa kena hint lah, ingat kan lah. tahun ni decided to diam je. confirm lah dia tak ingat tapi at least i remember and keep it close to my heart. oh! tahun ni tarikh tu jatuh pulak time hari perayaan - happy Deepavali to all! heee.

masa 2010, 13 November tahun ni tukar my life bila hashrul told me that he loves me. that was the first time. my heart stopped because at that point it wasn't right. so, of course i did not say it back to him. i just froze. bila balik, nangis. sampai hari ni still tak tau kenapa nangis that night. nak cakap balik memang tak mampu sangat (pasal sayang sangat kat orang lain time tu, huuu!). in the end, agak tergantung gak lah. cuma lepas tu, i sent him a long text message explaining what happened. since that day, he never gave up. dia nak prove diri dia. he kept on being there 24/7 (biasa lah lelaki bila nak something yang dia belum dapat, ehem!) but, eventually sekejap gak lah lepas tu, dinding yang kepung hati ni supaya orang lain tak masuk macam kena langgar dengan bulldozer. hancur macam tu je. 

lepas tu, in 2011 pulak, dia jumpa my parents. dia sendiri lah kirenye merisik, tak ikut dah cara tradisional ni. haha. bukan ape, tah, dia nak jumpa parents. makan kat ole-ole bali (selingan: oh! ole-ole bali ni macam jadi tempat penting pulak dalam isu-isu hidup kami). ini first time dia bersemuka dengan ayah and mummy secara formal and serious. tak lah serious mana tapi menunjukkan dia serious lah kan. macam nak cabut jantung time tu. iyelah, dia akan jadi imam, pembimbing and father to my kids. dalam hati pun tak tau nak rasa apa. semua campur. yelah, time tu macam tak sure lagi tapi dah sayang kan. things went all that day. of course lah, dah kawin kan. haha! 

kena soal, ini serious! hehe

my parents

 first picture dia and mummy

tahun ni, life is changing too fast. pelik bila hati tak ada perasaan, kurang ke rasa cinta kat dia or dah tepu? sabar memang sabar. terlalu sabar. lama-lama diri pun tukar dengan sendirinya. this time around its different. dah kahwin and bukan main-main lagi. insyaAllah things will get better in my heart. kena yakin dekat Allah ini semua dugaan. dia pun suami yang baik and he changed, A LOT. everybody deserve a second chance in life. 

4 bulan / 123 hari

ya Allah. sekejap nye rasa (sekejap ke?) today genap 4 bulan jadik isteri orang and setengah dari 4 bulan tu, jadi something else. haha. hari ni tergerak nak buat something. patutnya tak payah. sayu lepas tu. padan muka sendiri. ye lah, bende dah lepas and tak boleh buat apa pun, still nak teringat and baca balik. dah memang diri ni macam ni kan. fuh! pengsan lah macam ni.

lately ni berat susut. patutnya tak boleh susut, samada maintain or naik sikit. tadi ayah call (yes, time kerja ni), kena one whole lecture on healthy eating. something about not eating right and tak cukup nutrient. kena lah marah. confirm malam ni kena paksa makan banyak. macam tak nak balik rumah je ni. takut. lari! heee! urm.. dulu ada orang yang jaga makan minum. sekarang mana ada dah. sekarang kebanyakkan benda kena sendiri. nasib ayah ada. dapat lah nak mengada kedang-kadang.

what it feels like after 4 months? not what i expected. marriage takes a lot of effort. i am still not used to it and adapting. lama betul nak adapt. haha. nak buat macam mana. tipu lah kalau semua bunga je, ada part yang duri. i am still learning. i just miss being that tough little princess i used to be.

public awareness: spoon

benci #1

okay, ini tak mengikut turutan tapi based on bila terjadi. pagi ni tak dapat keep my cool. federal highway ada 1 section tu, lorong emergency kena tutup pasal ada construction so, cukup-cukup 3 lane lah kan. attitude most driver Malaysia ni, tak tau nak beratur. nampak jam sikit, nak potong line. Padahal tak jam pun belah depan dari tempat mereka cut line. hari ni since the hormones are not behaving well [yup, hormones salah], adalah orang jadi mangsa. kereta honda (WJK 3788). kereta dia bukan model baru and tak cantik. driver dia Chinese man and passenger dia mak dia kut. kalau wife sorry lah, nampak tua sangat.

attitude potong line ni tolong lah elak. orang lain boleh beratur, why not you? semua orang nak cepat kalau boleh. if semua just cooperate, semua akan lebih senang. jam pun tak lah teruk or maybe takda jam pun - you caused the jam. stupid people. if mak bapak or family ko dah tenat nak mati ke, dah lambat pergi meeting and bos nak pecat ke or cirit yang dah sakit sangat, boleh lah consider lagi. ni dah cut line pastu boleh pulak drive slow. where's your ethics? please Malaysians, we are better than this.

public awareness: 10 ways

mimpi

eh. google reset ke ape? tetibe stats semua kosong! haih. mengapakah? google gone bonkers or tengah update? baru lah nak sampai ke angka yang memberansangkan. haha. okay, lari topic dah. bring back the numbers google! [update: it's back, well, some of it]

okay, kisah mimpi. mimpi orang yang sama 3 kali dah. boo! mimpi first time bulan puasa ke raya macam tu, (scene dalam kereta) - tengah cakap-cakap dengan orang tu, nak bagitau dia i was pregnant. before that, dia bagitau news dia dulu. dia kata dia nak tunang, bende baik buat apa nak tunggu lagi dah. it was nice talking to orang itu. semua pun tenang. bila bangun termenung gak lah. mimpi second, when i was going through a tough time, dia kata, macam mana pun i will always love you, be strong, i am here for you. mimpi yang ketiga pula, orang tu salam tangan tapi orang tu nangis. macam sedih sangat.

CD lama

terjumpa CD lama in the stack of stuff i have. ada CD ni takde label. try lah play. ya Allah, bederau. lagu lama-lama. teringat pulak zaman-zaman takde problems dulu, hidup pun senang je. kesimpulan nye rindu lah. menangis sorang-sorang kat office. boleh? [salahkan hormones please] some of the songs:

 

 

 

 

tepi laut: krabi

(September)

day 1: here we go!

day 2: just around there

day 3: kaaavrooom!

day 4: bye!

.....

p.s: some might wonder, mana gambar pulau ke or pergi snorkeling ke kan. yelah, kan sana biasanya buat itu. well, i am not fit enough to do all that at the moment. teehee!

kecewa

kadang-kadang hidup ni memerlukan kesabaran yang amat tinggi. semalam dan hari ni membawa kekecewaan sahaja. susah bila orang refuse to understand and susah bila orang berdendam. penyesalan sering wujud bila benda tidak diingini berlaku. hati sentiasa hancur bila dalam peperangan yang melibatkan perasaan. sedih tidak dapat digambarkan. namun, semalam keajaiban tetap berlaku di kala berada dalam kehancuran. perasaan yang sangat sukar digambarkan. for the first time, heartbeat was detected. syukur pada Allah. apa yang dirasai takkan dilupai sepanjang hidup di dunia. di dalam kehancuran, tetap ada keajaiban. if only you are with me, it would not have turned out this way. 

nauzubillah

orang cakap, kalau dengar yang tak elok, cakap nauzubillah. jumaat malam lepas pergi clinic, ada bad news from the dr. i have yet to jumpa specialist lagi but please pray that its not true, dr yang pergi check tu terbuat mistake and everything is going to be okay. insyaAllah semua okay. dr gave one week pastu check balik. then, on saturday, mummy went into emergency state. mummy can't breathe. i was unable to go, was finding excuses not to go actually. takut sangat. so, went to the hospital yesterday. she was gasping for air. maksudnya, masa saturday tu lagi teruk. not to sure what's going on. my heart dropped. so, my weekend was heartwrenching. hope yours was great. um.

sedikit update

sebelum nak post honey + bulan part yang no 2 tu, ada sedikit update. well, as semua tahu, mummy is in IJN. she was getting better and dah boleh cakap and makan after raya hari tu. however, things tiba-tiba tukar. on Friday she was on life support 100% and today her pressure was 95/53 when i saw her this afternoon. sekejap nya masa Allah bagi dengan mummy, buat lepas rindu hari tu. apa pun kena lah bersyukur. at least dapat masa dengan mummy. dapat gelak-gelak and cakap. i pray for the best for mummy. kali ni dah tak boleh terlalu stress sangat dah. sampai down semua. dah tak boleh. kena kuat dan jaga diri betul-betul. huu! mum, you have to wake up. i have something to tell you.

public awareness: you

raya! (okay, tau dah terlambat)

yup, tau, dah habis dah Syawal. heh. takpe lah, terlambat pun ade gak something on raya. hee...! okay, raya ni kena bahagi dua tempat. here in KL and then, KB. since tahun ni raya sini, next raya first raya confirmlah raya in KB. huuuuu!

malam raya

kuah laksa johor - 1st attempt masak sorang and sendiri
(alhamdulillah, licin!)

day 1

 adek menggelupur takut!

day 2

day 3

day 4

 day 5

atas bukit: cameron highlands (2012)

(June)

day 1 - on a Monday, bila orang pergi kerja and duduk office, kami bersiap untuk our first trip together as husband and wife. debar, takut, excited, happy and relieved. perasaan tu semua ada. so, pukul 10am macam tu we left home. on the way, we stopped at RnR Tapah (if i'm not mistaken) and had brunch (kebulur kut!). bila sampai je, tiba-tiba hujan. nasib dah sampai time tu. tepat-tepat sampai. kami duduk at The Smokehouse Hotel. cantik okay hotel ni. so, we checked in and rest for a bit. malam tu apa lagi, makan lah! sejuk-sejuk macam hari tu, pergi makan steamboat. sedap! hehe. pastu, plan sikit-sikit nak pergi mana esok.

 sedap jugak lah kuey teow dia

the hotel

 the newlyweds (hee!)

the hotel (night view)

day 2 - setelah perancangan semalam (err.. tak berapa jadi lah nak plan tu kut). we had breakfast and off we go. first stop was the first BOH Tea Plantation. there are two BOH Tea Plantation in Cameron Highlands. the first plantation we went was in Habu. here they provide factory tour and they have a small cafe that serve desserts and tea, of course. hee! next, we went to the other BOH Tea Plantation in Sungai Palas (movie Ombak Rindu shoot kat sini lah, so berangan ala Maya Karin kejap, haha!). the plantation in Sungai Palas in bigger and commercialized compared to Habu. jalan-jalan around and banyak information obtained on tea production. lepas tu jalan around town and singgah butterfly farm. haruslah kan. malam pulak, makan at on of the kedai along the road.

heee!

 suka ayam ni at the butterfly farm, gemuk!

(gambar butterfly tak nak letak, ayam ni highlight)

ade orang sibuk nak tangkap gambar kepompong

 dinner! 

(ehem! sah lah tak habis chicken chop tu)

suka decor ni, untuk gantung towel dalam toilet

day 3 - kejap je dah nak balik. tak buat apa pun on the third day morning. had breakfast and walk around the hotel. lepas tu balik bilik lepak-lepak sampai time check out. masa checkout, hotel siap pack kan light lunch. terkejut jap. tak pernah lagi ada hotel yang buat macam tu. before turun, singgah beli sayur. murah sangat. fresh pulak tu. then, on the way turun, singgah lata iskandar and enjoyed our packed lunch. tengah duduk-duduk, tiba-tiba hujan. so, we ran back to the car and continued our journey back home.

breakfast

packed lunch