2013

1: What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?

    Gave birth to a beautiful baby girl ♥

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

    Had no new year's resolution, next year, i hope to travel more

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

    Yup! 

4: Did anyone close to you die?

    Alhamdulillah, nobody died this year

5: What countries did you visit?

    None

6: What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

    Same as last year, more traveling sessions

7: What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

    28th May (Zahraa)

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

    Got through giving birth

9: What was your biggest failure?

    Still stuck with the job i planned to quit

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?

      Nope, all is well 

11: What was the best thing you bought?

      Boba Soft Structured Carrier

12: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

      Having a little one around

13: Compared to this time last year, are you: 

      (a) happier or sadder? - happier (i am in a better place)

      (b) thinner or fatter?  - thinner (Zahraa is my exercise machine)

      (c) richer or poorer? - richer (i have my family)

14: What do you wish you’d done more of?

      Speak up

15: What do you wish you’d done less of?

      Crying 

16: Did you fall in love in 2013?

      Yes, yes, yes!

17: What was your favourite TV program?

      Revenge

18: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

      Not hating anybody

      

19: What was your greatest musical discovery?

      None

20: What did you want and get?

      A baby ♥

21: What did you want and not get?

      To move out and live on our own

22: What was your favourite film of this year?

      Pacific Rim

23: What one thing made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

      Zahraa is healthy and well, i must have done something right along the way

24: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

      Loose and simple 

25: What kept you sane?

      Allah

26: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

      None

27: What political issue stirred you the most?

      -

28: Who did you miss?

      Mummy :'(

29: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.

      People who you think will be there through thick and thin, might just disappoint you

30: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

      Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

7 bulan

pejam celik, pejam celik, esok dah 7 bulan dah budak kecik ni. kejap sangat masa. macam tiba-tiba dah 7 bulan. huwaa. lagi 5 bulan je lagi nak jadi satu tahun. both gambar ni was taken 2 weeks back macam tu. hee! she is slowly turning to look like me (i think). semua orang kata she look like hamie but, my family (mereka yang raised me up and kinda grew up with me say she look exactly like me when i was small). she now takes up most space of my heart (macam mana nak bahagi heart mummy when you ada adik nanti eh zahraa? hee!)

owh. she finally start on solid food one month back. her first food was avocado, which she made funny faces when we fed her (technically, her first food was green apple at around 2 months old - dia diarrhea at that time, so the cure was green apple - it worked). the next thing on her hate list is broccoli. haha! ini kerja the mummy nak suruh anak makan sayur so that dah besar nanti tak memilih makan macam mummy dia. 

si gadis ayu ♥

busy sangat ke?

huuu. lamanya tak update blog. kehidupan sangat berbeza when you have a growing child. my goodness. penat kot! now, baby girl dah pandai commando crawl dengan jayanya. tinggal kat depan kejap pergi dapur, pergi depan dah kena cari dia. time flies. this Thursday she is going to be 6 months. since malam ni tak boleh tidur for whatever reason, boleh lah nak update sikit. well, my priorities have shifted, i no longer put anybody ahead of her. she's mine and she'll always be mine. she's my life. 

some of her latest photos *jatuhcintaberkalikali*

cerita raya 1434H

tahun ni, ade macam2 perkara first time jadi. huhu. first of all, first time raya without mummy. my gawd! it was super tough but managed to keep my calm and not cry. yeah! (kisses from the husband helps as well, haha!). haven't been to mum's grave for a while now. tak sempat is just an excuse. baca al-Fatihah je untuk mummy dari jauh. umm. al-Fatihah. huwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. rindunyaaaaaaaaaa! *tariknafaspanjang* 

moving on, tahun ni first time raya jauh dari family from my side. actually, lama kut duduk kat KB. ade lah 3 minggu. right after keluar hospital hari tu, yang sebab infection tu. sedih juga lah dengan situation ni. ayah raya sorang in subang. ajak datang tak nak. haaaiiihh. sedih sangat time aunty emma bagitau dia pergi holiday. the thought of ayah sendiri, dah lah mummy takde. it was a double *dush* to my head.

on the lighter and happier side, tahun ni first raya with the little one. teeheee! excited sangat. banyak kut baju raya dia. dia ada 3 pasang baju kurung (2 of them tok kilah and mamalong belikan) and 2 dresses - (kalah mummy dia ni). i just love her to the moon and back. i never knew i could love someone so much in such little time. yes, there are times that kita kena sabar sangat but in the end semua pun worth it. oh! dengan jayanya zahraa dapat kutip duit raya. thank you tok(s), daddy, uncle(s) and aunty(s)!

this is our first family photo! hee! (zahraa grumpy, penat raya)

instagram: #zahraasayang

x & x

congratulations to exboyfriend and exhousemate

moga bahagia sampai anak cucu, hee!
(tengok pinggan adib, bab makanan laju je, haha)

ps: thank you Nadia sebab jemput kite pergi wedding korang

last kiss

just because..

i can still feel your arms

baik or buruk or dasyat or tergolek2

hey ho!

finally, pantang dah habis starting from today! today is day 45, ho yeaaaahhhhhh! suka nya. banyak betul dugaan sepanjang pantang ni. hari ni gak, hari keluar hospital so, double yeay! last wednesday kena tahan ward due to infection. rindu nya kat anak! alhamdulillah semua sihat and dah sihat. insyaAllah. papepun, gambar anak and mother dia nanti akan di post kan di sini kemudian. this is a short update. oh! saje je ni - i gained 13 kilos sejak pregnant and i have lost 17 kilos as of today. eheem!  dah dapat balik berat masa 1st kahwin. the main challenge now is to maintain it. dah lah bulan puasa ni dugaan makanan lain macam sikit. namun, tak puasa lagi ni, belum boleh lagi and still breastfeed my beautiful baby girl - Haziqah Zahraa binti Hamie Hashrul. okay, suami nak angkut pulang dah. hee! 

coming soon

hari dah semakin hampir. perasaan semua campur - nak marah, nak sedih, nak mengamuk, nak menangis, nak emo, nak makan je, tak nak makan, asyik nak pergi toilet (tapi lepas tu tak nak), nak baby keluar cepat, nak baby duduk lama-lama sikit dalam perut. mencabar juga lah lately ni. nak lepaskan dekat siapa tak tau. nak emo dengan suami kang dia emo balik. at last call lah orang yang memang kerja dia gelak je. nangis pun gelak. haa. release lah sikit segala beban. sikit je lah. lepas tu sambung balik segala persoalan yang termampu. boleh?

huwaaa.. eksyen je depan semua orang nampak okay. belakang tu? mau pengsan pun ada. ada sekali tu harap tak nak bangun. nak tidur je. huu! penat sangat rasa badan. nak TIME. itu yang paling penting. orang mempersoalkan time apa. TIME untuk diri sendiri and TIME dengan suami. dua tu lah yang penting. lepas ni kehidupan akan berubah. transition tu tak senang. takda sapa cakap senang pun. so, to have time just to relax is crucially important. dah terlambat pun sebenarnya tapi selagi belum keluar, selagi tu lah tak terlambat. no? fuh. bersabarlah.

mimpi

//

6 or maybe 7 weeks to go

heee! lame dah tak memberontak or meluahkan macam-macam sekarang. haha! banyak dalam hati tapi takpe, boleh tahan lagi. fuhh! rindu pulak zaman-zaman hidup dulu. kekadang nak sangat bangun and hope ni semua mimpi. harap sangat bangun kat katil bilik tingkat 5 tu (watch tower - macam-macam nampak). haha. plus, macam-macam orang nampak juga. hahaha! bila ingat balik boleh nangis, gelak and termenung. banyak kenangan bilik tu. kesimpulannya, kenangan di negeri tu dan negeri-negeri di sebelahnya. haih! susah rupanya hidup ni as we get older. banyak betul tanggungjawab. padan muka gak, dulu tiap-tiap minggu enjoy tak ingat dunia (ingat lah, cuma keadaannya). minggu lepas orang yang jumpa kat kuantan tu dah selamat dah nikah dengan wife dia. piqa kata dia comel dulu - budak baju purple. tengok gambar kahwin dia ingat lah semua yang terjadi lepas tu. kejap je lepas tu, 2006 sampai 2008 tapi macam-macam jadi. rindu the old me (tetibe?). oh. jangan lah. dah lain sekarang.

p.s: i am at week 34 (perasaan campur-campur)

addicted!

okay, entah kenapa addicted to this song. hoooyeeaaah!

just because

huwaaaaa. semua pun rasa tak betul now. itu tak kena, ini tak kena. tidur tak boleh tapi mengantuk. macam mana tu? kerja pulak banyak tapi tak boleh nak buat, buntu! rumah nak kemas tapi tak boleh nak buat sangat, mengah! banyaaaaakkkk kena jadi independent sendiri. so not me! haha. takpe lah, sikit-sikit boleh lah kut? errr... boleh ke? entah. haru betul hidup. minggu ni (baru rabu today kan), tiap-tiap balik kerja mengamuk tengok rumah bila balik. i think minggu ni je lah kut yang macam ni. hopefully! *fingers crossed* just because they see i can still do stuff, they take it for granted. semua nak harap kita susah lah macam ni. nanti dapat baby, lari jauh-jauh baru tau. penat!

mirrors

somehow i feel this song is really deep and meaningful

'you are my reflection in everything i do', i miss you

the other blog

okay, some of you might know about this and some might not. i have another blog luahan perasaan about life. haha. blog itu mostly pasal marriage, pregnancy and baby lah. blog ni pulak pasal semua and sedikit open dari blog lagi satu. huhu. anyway, just sharing what i have for now. the link? owh.. here you go people - http://marriedlovebirds.blogspot.com/

when work is the priority

its tough when you have to choose between family and work. i was so down this morning that ayah was my out. that was the last choice, believe me. i don't normally talk to my family members about problems i faced personally. they will always put me first before anything. always. that is what family do. 

last night, hashrul got a call at 11.00 pm saying he had to go to work at at that moment. it was heartbreaking for me. i was shocked, its hard for me to get a solid time with him. he'll always be with his phone every night before bed (when he is home) - on youtube, facebook, instagram, office's email and games. last night when i had the time i was looking forward to, he had to go to work. being me, i cried a little but i didn't even say the slightest no. he was taken a back and became angry instead. the guilty part of him kicked in but, he won't admit that.

so, he went to work and i was left behind, alone. i broke down the moment he stepped out the door. he might not understand what i felt and how i am coping with what i felt. he told me that i am supposed to support him and make life easier for him, which i completely disagree. as if i am the burden in his life. it can work both ways. well, last night has passed. i stayed up the whole night thinking. that moment was not healthy for the baby. many arguments have erupted because of his workload. the important advice i once got was, 'never bring your work stress back home, it will effect your family'. the moment work is effecting what you have with your family, its not worth it. think about it. maybe its time to move on and find a better option.

i told him today, i have a heart that feels i am much more important than work but, i also have a brain to think and know that work is important. yes, the heart will always win the battle with the brain but, the brain will always kick in. 

i need support, i never asked for it but i really need it, be it emotionally or physically. i need it. i miss the person i can talk to about anything and everything. i miss having the person around. its not that i need much, i just need someone to talk to. i just need you. i miss my support system, my soul mate.

oh!

hee!

little one - the beginning

okay, post ni khas untuk JUE. hehe. saje tulis name besar-besar. anyway, alhamdulillah semua okay takat ni. alhamdulillah little one sihat and morning sickness dah takde. takde!! hehe. sekarang ni orang semua tengah teka boy ke girl. tak nak bagi tau. biar semua kena tunggu sampai dah time nanti. hahaha. well, tak tau lagi pun. last check little one macam sembunyi-sembunyi, nanti next 2 weeks check lagi. tak kesah lah boy or girl asal kan sihat, sempurna and taat kat Allah. insyaAllah. doakan kami. 

post ni dah tertangguh-tangguh sekian punya lama lah. so, kita mula balik kat bulan July hari tu lah eh. July lepas ada tulis post about this matter dah sebenarnya, tapi time tu belum ada rezeki lagi - link. baru lebih kurang sebulan kahwin time ni, excited lah kononnya. hm. tak reti nak explain, kahwin dulu pastu, tahu lah macam mana excited tu. haha. itu first time test lepas sah suami isteri. then, masa bulan puasa rasa lain macam je. Syima semangat lah beli kan test kit. Syima ni macam big sister. kena paksa test tu. tunggu juga lah sehari dua baru test. result pun keluar! so, pada 14th August - result was not pregnant, line ada satu je (tak jumpa gambar ni). hidup pun diteruskan as usual. 

orang kata, third time is the charm kan. ehe! tak sedap badan terasa nak dekat time-time itu. dah lah nak pergi Krabi. ingat pasal nak datang lah kan. sekali, kat office pitam. tak dapat nak recover cepat. mau terdiam and tak gerak 15 minit. ha. dah lain ni. kali ni tak berharap masa test. tak nak lah macam hope sangat then negative lagi kan. so, 14th September di hari Jumaat yang indah itu, test again. 16th nak pergi Krabi ni. so, debar dia lain macam sikit. sekali.. tadaaa! alhamdulillah. both test buat sorang-sorang. no husband waiting outside the toilet ke apa. yelah, tak nak dia rasa anxious. huhu. takut kita dalam toilet, dia pengsan kat luar. hehe.

 test masa pagi

then, petang beli yang canggih sikit. hehe.

masa ni fikir 10 kali nak pergi Krabi tak. takut pun ada. last minute cari Dr tanya. semua jawab okay, boleh pergi. dengan hati yang cekal, pergi lah. kat Krabi tak buat apa pun, jalan ronda-ronda, makan, tidur, lepak tepi pantai and makan lagi. haha. relax habis. time tu baru lagi kan. tak nak lah lompat terjun sana sini. orang tour operator pun tak nak bawa naik boat dia pergi pulau-pulau. tak nak ambil risiko yang boleh menyebabkan regret. lepas balik tu, mula lah tak boleh nak makan pagi petang malam. orang naik berat, kita turun berat. sampai kena makan ubat tahan muntah. huu. agak terseksa lah. dah awal November baru steady, lebih kurang time 11 minggu. lega sangat. then, minggu ke 12 pun masuk, alhamdulillah.