last post of 2011

i end 2011 with a lot of memories and lesson learned. it took me a lot of strength to get through 2011. it was a tough year i must say. glad i made it through with plans of a better future for 2012. insyaAllah and Alhamdulillah.

sick (again)

december seems to be my sick month every year kut. last year was the high fever thingy. this year, the never ending fever. been feeling sick for a while. thought everything was getting better but no. tough day today. vomited after lunch and having a major headache. can't sleep it off hence, the post. maybe i'm sick of working my ass off in the office or maybe its the stress of certain things or maybe its just the weather atau pun maybe ini cara Allah nak ingatkan. 

inside

just because i don't show it on the outside doesn't mean i am not hurting in the inside

cinta

Cinta adalah akad dan perjanjian.

Cinta adalah airnya kehidupan bahkan ia adalah rahasia kehidupan,
cinta adalah kelezatan ruh bahkan ia adalah ruh kehidupan.

Dengan cinta menjadi terang semua kegelapan,
akan cerah kehidupan,
akan menari hati,
dan akan bersih qalbu.

Dengan cinta semua kesalahan akan dimaafkan,
dengan cinta semua kelalaian akan diampunkan,
dengan cinta akan dibesarkan makna kebaikan.

Kalaulah bukan dengan cinta,
maka tidak akan saling meliuk satu dahan dengan dahan yang lainnya.
Kalaulah bukan karena cinta tidak akan merunduk rusa betina kepada pejantannya.
tidak akan menangis tanah yang kering terhadap awan yang hitam,
dan bumi tidak akan tertawa terhadap bunga pada musim semi.

(Ustadz Armen Halim Naro rahimahullah dalam kitab buhul cinta)

pitterpatter

today is friday. no, i am going to sing rebecca black's song. i am just glad. long weekend for me. the  company gave us the day off so, it means i have 4 off days. yeah! i love where i work..! anyway, tomorrow will be meeting the girls - B, E and P. haven't seen them for quite some time. last met B when she got married last year. that was a long time ago. it has been a year since. how time flies. she is in her 33 weeks (i think) now. so, better see her before the baby pops out. can't wait to see her little one. she'll be a mama bird then! hehe. last met E was somewhere last year as well. after she gave birth. she was in her confinement. i went there with the tiger face, with hope that her baby will love cats when she grows up. E is so scared of cats. i don't understand why but hey, i have 6 little creatures at home. last but no least P. met hear last Ramadhan. we planned to meet a couple of times after that but didn't really happen. got caught up in work. so, thinking of meeting them in 11 hours makes my heart go pitterpatter. its been a while. 

recap of 2011

2011 has thought me a whole bunch of stuff. good and bad. this year is definitely a drama year for  me. reflecting on the whole year, the main lesson learned:

patience - patience is a virtue. islamic point of view - sabar itu separuh dari iman. banyak kn separuh dari iman. anyone who has known me for quite some time would know i have no patience at all. i get angry in a split second (i still do sometimes) but i can say maybe 5 or 6 times this year. that is a huge accomplishment for myself. Allah telah mengajar erti kesabaran. memang betul, banyak sangat dugaan tahun ni. dari segi kerja, family, kawan and life itself. banyak yang telah diuji. when i think about it again, i am thankful. its a huge lesson for me. from patience i learn to compromise. i learn to listen, think and judge. i also learn that a moment of patience at the time of anger saves one from years of regret & sorrow. being patience takes you a long way. you gain a lot and you see the positive side of things. you learn to control your feelings and trust me, you won't regret it at all.

meanwhile, what i am still learning:

trust - i used to believe in people. i used to believe in them without any second guessing or the feeling that i've been lied to. but things change. big time. there is a saying that trust is like an eraser, it gets smaller and smaller after every mistake. i believed in that. at one point in 2011, i got hit by a really painful event in life. its either make it or break it. then i read a story on 'why do you believe in Allah?' and it got me thinking. its the same concept with trust. you can't see trust but you can believe in it. you believe in Allah and Allah knows best. so, why worry. talk to Allah more. Dia pendengar setia and Dia tau ape yang terbaik. i lean on no one at one point accept Allah. however, i have to admit that i am still learning. trust is still an issue for me. just a little note for us - Firman Allah swt yang bermaksud,
"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jauhilah kebanyakan dari sangkaan kerana sesungguhnya sebahagian dari sangkaan itu adaah dosa; dan jangalah kamu mengintip atau mencari-cari kesalahan dan keaiban orang; dan janganlah setengah kamu mengumpat setengahnya yang lain. Adakah seseorang dari kamu suka memakan daging saudaranya yang telah mati? (Jika demikian keadaan mengumpat) maka sudah tentu kamu jijik kepadanya. Dan bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah; sesusngguhnya Allah Penerima taubat, lagi Maha mengasihani." - Al-Hujuraat Ayat 12

so, i sum up my lesson learned for the year 2011 with Alhamdullilah and huge thank you to Allah.

four letter words

to me, there are two four letter words that means a lot and can change a lot of things - love and hate. it can change someone's life. use them wisely. there's a fine line between those two words.

love his voice
crawling back to you:

shattered

 

scared

i have this feeling inside me that i can put my finger on. what is it? it has been bothering me for this past one week. it is really annoying. maybe its because i have not been well and need the attention or is it because of something else in the first place. maybe i am too worried or maybe i am scared? its a big question mark. i need an answer. quick. i need to get well again. body temperature increased again tonight and my back hurts. ouh.. my back have been hurting for quite some time. every time i lay down on a flat surface, it will make funny *krak* noises. should i be worried? as for now, i need a good night sleep. so good night.

a really good song for tonight:

rough

since its 12.28 am: the day before yesterday and yesterday was a rough day for me. down with fever since last week. on Sunday night, temperature was 38.5. not good. luckily, took my meds (voluntarily). that is a rare occasion but yeah, i took my meds. can't really afford to fall sick now. when the body is not in a proper condition, so does the mood swings. i am really sorry baby. you are my punching bag for the last 2 days. really am sorry. i still have so many things to do yet i have so little time. *faints*

sing along! - fever, fever go away. come again another day. little Z has lots to do. fever come later will do.

oh happy day

17th Dec: had a great day today! quality time spent with my dearest beloved darling boyfriend. sorry for exaggerating much but that is how i am feeling. yeah! i am truly happy. alhamdulillah. love you baby.. ♥ ♥ ♥

fairytale

i think everybody grows up listening to or watched fairytales, whether its Disney's or some other stories. the most listened to or watched fairytales are the ones with the princesses in it. we dream that one day our prince will come and sweep us away and we live happily ever after. but, life is no where near a fairytale. life is our own story. everybody has their story.

my story:

it all started last year, in February 2010. it started with a simple hello from a stranger. not so stranger but somehow a stranger. figure that out. haha. actually, my room mate had a crush on him way back in 2005. time flies. anyway, it was a simple hello. it took me some time to reply back as i had to do a lot of thinking on certain reasons that i shall not mention here. so, i said 'hi' back. from then on, we talked a lot about things. well, texting to be exact. we became friends without really crossing our limits. he was attached and so was i. we don't talk much about each other relationships. it was our thing. then, things happen somewhere in between.

one fine day, he came and fetched me with his white horse (si putih). we went on our first date/outing session. not really sure what to call it. to be honest, i can't really recall much what we talked about on that day. i was blanked out. ouh.. but i remember he told me, i rephrase - 'i know someone that is only an option instead of the future to someone'. yeah, a few weeks later he admitted it was him. so, i gave him a simple promise - 'you'll never be an option ever again' (not too sure whether he remember this promise i made) but i made that promise.

i made him promise something too in the early stages, around 3 months after the first hello. i made him promise not too fall in love with me. i told him clearly that you wouldn't want to fall in love with me as i am a bit hard to deal with. but, he didn't listen to me. that is one promise i am glad he broke. i couldn't be happier. the first time when he told me he was (and still is) in love with me, my heart stopped and i cried. typical princess. haha. i am so not telling how here. hee.

in life, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. there are times i was really heartbroken and felt like giving up. i wanted to disappear. the betrayal was too much at one point. i had someone telling me, if you believe its him and if you really love him, fight for your relationship. so, i stood by him at my lowest point. i was broken and shattered but i stood by him.

Alhamdulillah it all turns out for the best.

fuh

this month is really hectic for me as the dateline is tight. the dateline is on the 7th of January. lots of things have yet to be prepared and get done. i can say that 45% of them are settled. lots of walking around to do! boleh kurus macam ni. yeay! i have yet to start on any form of diet or do any kind of exercise. the plan is to eat what i want until the 15th and have a strict diet from then on. fasting is one of the options. not niat diet but ganti puasa. niat kena betul. insyaAllah. 

Alhamdulillah things are according to plan. i think. most of the major part all done. sekarang left with all the little things. bak kate orang melayu, 'bende2 leceh'. hehe. 

a new start

life was up and down since i last wrote. it has been a month. a lot of thinking was involved. the thought of ending certain stuff and moving on. the thought of starting off fresh. the thought of disappearing from everybody. Alhamdulillah things turns out well. i thank Allah for that. i thank certain people in my life for being there with me when i was down, broken and hurt. Alhamdulillah sgt3.