damn!

haih. kita buat decision tu salah, kita buat decision ni salah. susah betul. ada tanya bila nak cari kerja baru lah, dah belajar tinggi-tinggi rugi je lah. ada kata kesian anak nak hantar babysitter lah, takutnya nak hantar babysitter dengan case macam ni. then ada pulak yang kata budak nampak kurus and tanya tak kasi makan ke, tak masak untuk anak ke? huwaaa. kita hidup dalam masyarakat kan. persepsi orang berbeza-beza. nak buat macam mana lagi. dengar, telan and try tolak tepi, ikut kata otak and hati sendiri. tsk tsk.

[nak buat macam mana?]

counting days - 50 days

lepas tulis post pasal dah resign ada yang terkejut baca. memang tak sangka. i am someone yang materialistic and amat pentingkan duit (pengakuan jujur ni, haha!). in my family, tak pernah lagi ada yang quit their job macam tu je selagi income tak triple stable. i am taking the first step. i am setting my priorities straight. so, my last official day is 18th June. HR dah keluarkan official letter. ingat hari tu 20th June. if not, i have that 20th again. sekali dia tak genapkan 3 bulan, dia kira 90 hari pula. cis! oh. i have 10 days of leave to finish up by then. entah bila nak cuti tak tau.  

ragam anak 11 bulan

#WorldsToughestJob

broke down and cried, i miss my mum

that 20th

okay, this has been pending for years noe (yelah, sejak belum kahwin, belum kenal suami sampai kawin and ada anak, that is how long it has been pending). mula-mula tujuan nak berhenti lain, sekarang lain. i finally made my decision that i never thought i would make before i am 30 years old. memang tawakal habis dah ni. i finally quit my full time job last month, tendered on the 20th of March.

it is never easy to quit a job. banyak tanggungjawab yang nak kena fikir. lagi-lagi yang guna credit card ni. berhenti bukan sebab suka-suka tetapi nak jaga tanggungjawab yang paling besar dalam hidup. some might say, 'boleh ke dia hidup?' and some might say, 'best nya, that is my dream job'. i am not too sure what to think of it. berbelah bahagi sebenarnya. takut ada, tak sabar ada. 

decision was made pasal tak sanggup nak hantar anak mana-mana, boleh depress kut. then ada sekali tinggal Zahraa, dia nangis tak berhenti sampai muntah. itu tinggal dengan family and bukan stranger. my heart just shattered, really. so, that makes my decision firmer. thus, the best decision i have ever made this year, so far.

yes, suami tak berapa nak supportive. yes, family tak berapa nak supportive. diri sendiri kena yakin. pengorbanan ini berbaloi. yes, tak dapat online shopping suka hati. yes, tak dapat makan apa nak suka hati. yes, tak dapat beli kasut yang berkenan macam tu je. yang penting kena cekal, deal with semua orang and be strong. tak cuba tak tau. kita kena positive and yakin Allah sentiasa ada.

an article about mums who quit their job - Quitting Job for Kids; Will I Turn a Nobody?

life with Dr Seuss

pop out

oh! i had a long weekend last week, full of work. we had our last workshop for the project. the project is finally closing out. after 7 long years. though the conclusion is yet to be achieved, we have high hopes. we know that changing behaviour is not a walk in the park. it takes a lot of time, effort, awareness and very positive hope (from the people who is trying to make the other change). what got me through the weekend is that the family came along. yeay! so, the long tiring weekend was not that bad. 

so, came back, put my little peanut to bed and decided to go online. then, something pop out of my maccy. nothing scary but something close to my heart. it was an alert for mum's birthday. yes, of course i remember her birthday but when it popped out, i just stared at the screen. it was a silent moment for me. i still 'talk' to her. i miss mum, everyday. she would have been 64 years old this year. Al-Fatihah to my dearest mum.

new year (post tergendala)

this year new year sangat lain. normally semangat nak tengok bunga api berdentam dentum bagai. tahun ni new year atas katil je. haha. pengsan kut. penat sangat. oh. bila bunga api, cepat-cepat tepuk anak takut anak bangun. totally different scene. how i appreciate sleep now is on a whole new different level. lagi satu, this year, celebrate dekat tempat lain. yeah! pergi dekat je, pergi Port Dickson. asal kan berjalan cukup lah, spending time with my little family (bila lah nak expand ni, em!). my baby did a lot of new things during this trip. she was such a happy girl. heyyaaahh!

7 months old