shattered

 

scared

i have this feeling inside me that i can put my finger on. what is it? it has been bothering me for this past one week. it is really annoying. maybe its because i have not been well and need the attention or is it because of something else in the first place. maybe i am too worried or maybe i am scared? its a big question mark. i need an answer. quick. i need to get well again. body temperature increased again tonight and my back hurts. ouh.. my back have been hurting for quite some time. every time i lay down on a flat surface, it will make funny *krak* noises. should i be worried? as for now, i need a good night sleep. so good night.

a really good song for tonight:

rough

since its 12.28 am: the day before yesterday and yesterday was a rough day for me. down with fever since last week. on Sunday night, temperature was 38.5. not good. luckily, took my meds (voluntarily). that is a rare occasion but yeah, i took my meds. can't really afford to fall sick now. when the body is not in a proper condition, so does the mood swings. i am really sorry baby. you are my punching bag for the last 2 days. really am sorry. i still have so many things to do yet i have so little time. *faints*

sing along! - fever, fever go away. come again another day. little Z has lots to do. fever come later will do.

oh happy day

17th Dec: had a great day today! quality time spent with my dearest beloved darling boyfriend. sorry for exaggerating much but that is how i am feeling. yeah! i am truly happy. alhamdulillah. love you baby.. ♥ ♥ ♥

fairytale

i think everybody grows up listening to or watched fairytales, whether its Disney's or some other stories. the most listened to or watched fairytales are the ones with the princesses in it. we dream that one day our prince will come and sweep us away and we live happily ever after. but, life is no where near a fairytale. life is our own story. everybody has their story.

my story:

it all started last year, in February 2010. it started with a simple hello from a stranger. not so stranger but somehow a stranger. figure that out. haha. actually, my room mate had a crush on him way back in 2005. time flies. anyway, it was a simple hello. it took me some time to reply back as i had to do a lot of thinking on certain reasons that i shall not mention here. so, i said 'hi' back. from then on, we talked a lot about things. well, texting to be exact. we became friends without really crossing our limits. he was attached and so was i. we don't talk much about each other relationships. it was our thing. then, things happen somewhere in between.

one fine day, he came and fetched me with his white horse (si putih). we went on our first date/outing session. not really sure what to call it. to be honest, i can't really recall much what we talked about on that day. i was blanked out. ouh.. but i remember he told me, i rephrase - 'i know someone that is only an option instead of the future to someone'. yeah, a few weeks later he admitted it was him. so, i gave him a simple promise - 'you'll never be an option ever again' (not too sure whether he remember this promise i made) but i made that promise.

i made him promise something too in the early stages, around 3 months after the first hello. i made him promise not too fall in love with me. i told him clearly that you wouldn't want to fall in love with me as i am a bit hard to deal with. but, he didn't listen to me. that is one promise i am glad he broke. i couldn't be happier. the first time when he told me he was (and still is) in love with me, my heart stopped and i cried. typical princess. haha. i am so not telling how here. hee.

in life, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. there are times i was really heartbroken and felt like giving up. i wanted to disappear. the betrayal was too much at one point. i had someone telling me, if you believe its him and if you really love him, fight for your relationship. so, i stood by him at my lowest point. i was broken and shattered but i stood by him.

Alhamdulillah it all turns out for the best.

fuh

this month is really hectic for me as the dateline is tight. the dateline is on the 7th of January. lots of things have yet to be prepared and get done. i can say that 45% of them are settled. lots of walking around to do! boleh kurus macam ni. yeay! i have yet to start on any form of diet or do any kind of exercise. the plan is to eat what i want until the 15th and have a strict diet from then on. fasting is one of the options. not niat diet but ganti puasa. niat kena betul. insyaAllah. 

Alhamdulillah things are according to plan. i think. most of the major part all done. sekarang left with all the little things. bak kate orang melayu, 'bende2 leceh'. hehe. 

a new start

life was up and down since i last wrote. it has been a month. a lot of thinking was involved. the thought of ending certain stuff and moving on. the thought of starting off fresh. the thought of disappearing from everybody. Alhamdulillah things turns out well. i thank Allah for that. i thank certain people in my life for being there with me when i was down, broken and hurt. Alhamdulillah sgt3.