on repeat

 

tigabelas november

well, orang tak tau, actually 13 November adalah tarikh yang significant dalam hidup sejak 2010. things that happened was life changing. even hashrul don't remember. ye lah, lelaki and tarikh kan. susah nak jumpa yang ingat details ni. haha. sentiasa kena hint lah, ingat kan lah. tahun ni decided to diam je. confirm lah dia tak ingat tapi at least i remember and keep it close to my heart. oh! tahun ni tarikh tu jatuh pulak time hari perayaan - happy Deepavali to all! heee.

masa 2010, 13 November tahun ni tukar my life bila hashrul told me that he loves me. that was the first time. my heart stopped because at that point it wasn't right. so, of course i did not say it back to him. i just froze. bila balik, nangis. sampai hari ni still tak tau kenapa nangis that night. nak cakap balik memang tak mampu sangat (pasal sayang sangat kat orang lain time tu, huuu!). in the end, agak tergantung gak lah. cuma lepas tu, i sent him a long text message explaining what happened. since that day, he never gave up. dia nak prove diri dia. he kept on being there 24/7 (biasa lah lelaki bila nak something yang dia belum dapat, ehem!) but, eventually sekejap gak lah lepas tu, dinding yang kepung hati ni supaya orang lain tak masuk macam kena langgar dengan bulldozer. hancur macam tu je. 

lepas tu, in 2011 pulak, dia jumpa my parents. dia sendiri lah kirenye merisik, tak ikut dah cara tradisional ni. haha. bukan ape, tah, dia nak jumpa parents. makan kat ole-ole bali (selingan: oh! ole-ole bali ni macam jadi tempat penting pulak dalam isu-isu hidup kami). ini first time dia bersemuka dengan ayah and mummy secara formal and serious. tak lah serious mana tapi menunjukkan dia serious lah kan. macam nak cabut jantung time tu. iyelah, dia akan jadi imam, pembimbing and father to my kids. dalam hati pun tak tau nak rasa apa. semua campur. yelah, time tu macam tak sure lagi tapi dah sayang kan. things went all that day. of course lah, dah kawin kan. haha! 

kena soal, ini serious! hehe

my parents

 first picture dia and mummy

tahun ni, life is changing too fast. pelik bila hati tak ada perasaan, kurang ke rasa cinta kat dia or dah tepu? sabar memang sabar. terlalu sabar. lama-lama diri pun tukar dengan sendirinya. this time around its different. dah kahwin and bukan main-main lagi. insyaAllah things will get better in my heart. kena yakin dekat Allah ini semua dugaan. dia pun suami yang baik and he changed, A LOT. everybody deserve a second chance in life.