suka-suka

hee! more to come.

credits to ifolia photography

friday, day 50

friday marks day 50 mum has been in the hospital. she looks better and much more aware. mum can even move her head a bit and her fingers. that's major improvement to me! i just hope she gets stronger. i need her badly. not able to talk to her on things i normally talk to her kinda sucks. its a bit weird when i have to find someone else to be 'mum'. my aunties are my mums. i do consult them. when i can't go to them, i have to find other alternatives. which i don't have. mum. please get better soon. i am not doing very well now. its getting into my head.

(hope)

this is an open confession. please don't judge me. i just need to let it out. i have a problem. a huge one i think. ever heard of self-injury? i first cut myself last friday. i was feeling so stressed up and alone. tonight i did it again. the sad part about it is, i feel much better after. that's not good. i know but, it helps a lot. no any major scar, its just that the feeling when the pain sets in. i know this needs to stop. hopefully there is no third time. i need to be in control of my life. i can't let this get out of hand and the problems into my head. it might lead to something worse. nauzubillah. 'hairunnisa zahirah, breathe dalam-dalam, u can do this'. insyaAllah i can overcome this. i am totally alone in this. mr hashrul backed out of this (major) problem. umm.. i wish you were here.

life is pendek

hidup baru

walau apa yang terjadi kite kena selalu try tengok dari sudut positive and kena selalu yakin bahawa apa yang terjadi pasti ada hikmah. memang kadang-kadang susah tapi bila kita cuba, insyaAllah boleh. today, day 35, mummy showed great improvement. mummy dah start boleh gerak kepala and angkat-angkat kening. hee! plus, mate dia dah gerak kanan kiri. alhamdulillah. even her Dr was shocked by her improvement. mummy kuat. yeay! we hope for the best for mummy.. *pray* insyaAllah she'll get better, soon.

as you already know, life was hard on me this past one month. i was lucky enough to have my family and that one special guy in my life. he was there through everything. never in my life i met someone who cared for me as much as he does.

hashrul, thank you for the nights at the hospitals, the constant being there when i look for you next to me bila terjaga, listening to me while you do your work during the late night panic calls, melayan the tantrums i throw, eating with me with my constant eating mode, belanja ice cream bile tiba time mengidam ice cream macam-macam (yet baru dapat ice cream RM1.05 McD je, takpe lah, tutti frutti can wait KAN? huuu!), the pujuk sessions with me always crying all the time, making me smile even though the tak nak cakap / pandang muka at all mood and most importantly, for loving me more each and every single day. all i can say is that i am blessed to have met u, hashrul. i am thankful to Allah for leading me to someone that i need and that we'll be sharing a beautiful future in front of us (with lots of kids - erk! i ke nie? hehe!). insyaAllah.

oh ya! lupa pulak. a little something else, somewhere in between, hehe!

♥
mr. & mrs ms. hashrul

(mrs. tu tunggu time nanti-nanti ada baby. teehee! ngade kut *blush*)

* suke quote itu (tak dapat lah every single night, hashrul kerja shift kan) dan suke gambar tersebut, jangan ada timbul sebarang spekulasi ;)