it goes on

life is just a cycle. you meet strangers and they end up being strangers again in the end. but, not all of them end up that way. some people are just worth keeping and you would fight for them to be in your life. these people are the ones you call friends. i will fight for the people that i care about. period.

PMS

well, it is that time of the month again. the week before it. it sucks big time. i hate the mood swings and the sores. i wonder how people go through 9 month of pregnancy. what i am going through is just a small part of life. i miss having my friends around me when i am going through this. having a boyfriend is a different story. he just can't relate. especially when he's the technical type of guy. friends still do comes first during PMS. i am not too sure about having a husband since i am not married yet. anyway, this time around i miss them a lot! i miss having them to cheer me up, take me places that they know i like, make me eat things i love even though i don't feel like eating (and i end up eating most of it) and just be there for me. i miss u P and B. you guys went through a lot with me. 

it may be the hormones talking tonight (emotional people always speak from their heart, i think). i love both of you. remember the times when each of us had a lot on our plate to handle? we just needed each other and things will be fine. remember when you guys took turns to have dinner with me to make sure i was not alone after that silly thing i almost did? both of you didn't even judge me and you guys were there for me the entire time. i can never find anyone that could replace both of you. not even H.

however, H is the person i love most. i wished i had met him earlier. he's the best thing that could ever happen in my life after you guys. although he's not my typical prince charming, he brings out the best in me every single time. i wish you guys could get to know him better. he's amazing.

P, you made me really happy when you told me that you actually like H and you can see that i am really happy. i was mad at you at one point because u said something about my relationship with H. when i think back about it, i realize that you just don't know him yet. so, i made it a point for you to meet him. thank you for giving me the opportunity in doing so. i know you are going through a lot right now yourself. but, as your sister (from a different parents), you can always count on me!

B, i am really happy that you will soon be a mum. i always get a little teary every time i think about it. you will be the perfect mum. i understand that you are not able to meet us like how it used to be. But, still having your support through everything that has been going on in my life means a lot. thank you. if you ever need anything, let us know. we will try our level best to be there. oh.. if you might need help to look after the baby i might suggest uncle H.

E, you are not forgotten silly girl. i love you as well. although we grew apart, i still cherish every moment we shared and nothing really changed actually. by the way, you have to meet H. 

i am really happy how my life turns out to be. i am thankful to Allah. i have you guys, i have my family and i have H - my future (insyaAllah).

i know this is turning out to be me pouring out my heart (not the normal me) but, who cares. PMS is a strange thing.

relationship

A relationship is a promise to be more than just loyal and faithful, but also to be there through thick and thin. Don't make promises you cannot keep. A relationship should never be selfish, but understanding. It should not be about saying one thing and do the other. It is about respect, trust and honesty. Every relationship should be treated like marriage. Marriage is a relationship with a higher title, it should always be the same as a simple healthy relationship.

transparency

transparency has always been a key factor in my life. i always have that in any of my relationship. sharing everything is important. i never did share everything with anybody at all. however, this time around is the clearest i could ever be. i tried hard to share and really open up. but, things don't go two ways. well, the best i could do is to just be me and do what i am comfortable with. he may not see it the way that i do but i shall try my level best to just be okay with it.

i am really happy with what i have now. i am thankful with what i have now. no buts and no excuses. i just have to accept and live with it. loving someone is loving both the good side and the not so good side. i shall not expect him to do the same thing i did for him. its about giving and loving.

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