the end came last Thursday. little peanut was her nickname when she was in me. maybe sebab tu kurus macam peanut with curve at the pinggang. haha. sedih but at the same time, lega. i am too tired and it hurts.
it was never easy from the beginning. i had trouble latching early on which led to blisters. i was really uncomfortable with the surrounding. i even ended up in the hospital because of infection. i really wanted to try but i didn't have enough knowledge (which i shall bulk up for my next one) and the support i needed (which to stay positive and know the only support is myself and fight for what i feel right). i ended up being a full time pumping mom since she was 2 months old. so, i have been pumping for 2 years and 7 months. it was a rough, painful and emotional journey but every second of it was worth it. good job to me. yeay! siapa lagi nak puji kan. hehe.
bila tengok anak orang lain minum direct, pedih juga hati. bukan dengki tapi rasa kekurangan. bila pula anak dengki sepupu dia, saja minum kat mak orang tu, memang hancur lah hati. bukan minum banyak pun, tp minumlah juga. depan orang kita kena lah control. orang kadang-kadang tak tau apa kita rasa. yes, i can smile at that moment but i cried afterwards. every single time. orang tak faham the pain and siap bagitau semua orang lagi that my own daughter wanted her and tak nak pun dekat me. as mothers, there's that unspoken language that we should understand. i just wish she knew how much it effected me. benda dah lepas, it still hurts when i think of it (like right now) but, tak boleh tukar. biar je lah. maybe i should be honest next time. entah.
anyway, towards the end, ada selang-selang hari pump even sikit je dapat, dapam 1oz je. sometimes dia mintak, 'mummy, pump'. tak sampai hati, tu yang pump juga sampai dah tak dapat pun 1 oz, maybe 1/2oz je. last pump dapat 2ml je mungkin. itu lah last for her. dia minum even susu dah rasa pelik sikit. rezeki dia panjang, alhamdulillah sangat. thank you Allah for the journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment