when work is the priority

its tough when you have to choose between family and work. i was so down this morning that ayah was my out. that was the last choice, believe me. i don't normally talk to my family members about problems i faced personally. they will always put me first before anything. always. that is what family do. 

last night, hashrul got a call at 11.00 pm saying he had to go to work at at that moment. it was heartbreaking for me. i was shocked, its hard for me to get a solid time with him. he'll always be with his phone every night before bed (when he is home) - on youtube, facebook, instagram, office's email and games. last night when i had the time i was looking forward to, he had to go to work. being me, i cried a little but i didn't even say the slightest no. he was taken a back and became angry instead. the guilty part of him kicked in but, he won't admit that.

so, he went to work and i was left behind, alone. i broke down the moment he stepped out the door. he might not understand what i felt and how i am coping with what i felt. he told me that i am supposed to support him and make life easier for him, which i completely disagree. as if i am the burden in his life. it can work both ways. well, last night has passed. i stayed up the whole night thinking. that moment was not healthy for the baby. many arguments have erupted because of his workload. the important advice i once got was, 'never bring your work stress back home, it will effect your family'. the moment work is effecting what you have with your family, its not worth it. think about it. maybe its time to move on and find a better option.

i told him today, i have a heart that feels i am much more important than work but, i also have a brain to think and know that work is important. yes, the heart will always win the battle with the brain but, the brain will always kick in. 

i need support, i never asked for it but i really need it, be it emotionally or physically. i need it. i miss the person i can talk to about anything and everything. i miss having the person around. its not that i need much, i just need someone to talk to. i just need you. i miss my support system, my soul mate.